Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
