So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize