Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
