Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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