i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
