So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
