Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
