Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
