Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
