yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
