so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
