spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
