Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
