Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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