There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
