Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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