It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
