i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
