What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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