im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
