i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
