guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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