it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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