He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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