u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
