In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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