i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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