Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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