he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize