look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize