i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
