The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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