Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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