he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
