he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
