so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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