so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
