just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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