If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
