I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
