So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
