I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can I color on your dick again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
