do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
