i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
