Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
