Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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