DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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