Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
