Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
