I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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