Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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