You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
