I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
