I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
