Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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