I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
