best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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