About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
