got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
