My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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