she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
