you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize