Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize