So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
