I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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