you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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