If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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