the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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