why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
